It's so tough making a decision in getting a property of my own. Because it's just gonna be me, me and me. There is no one to share the mortgage with, and my shoulder will just be heavier.

I'd been comparing the property prices and realise if I'm going to just lower my purchase price, the available units for sale would be those small tiny places. And it's just not going to make sense.

I've found a great place I love very much after viewing many different units, different developments. But the price could have been better.

I'm now getting all jittery once more... as it's approaching time for me to make my offer to the buyer.

I hope my decision is correct.

Julliet - Je Taime

I always love July. It's a month of celebrations, but I have also realised for the past recent 2 years of July, I often had a mix of emotions.

I recall spending my birthday last year in London with my very good friend and her family, and spending the rest of the weeks in other parts of Europe, but the trip was cut short because my wallet was pick-pocketed - so that was a sense of exasperation, fear, and disappointment all rolled into one in the city of Paris - a city I so loved. I didn't manage to complete my stay at the Pullman overlooking the Eiffel - and so I shall, perhaps, next year.

This year, due to work commitments and having been too bitten by travel bugs beginning of the year, I had to give Europe a miss.

Birthday was nonetheless yet another memorable one, as I had celebrations with family, close friends, and my bunch of fun-loving colleagues. For almost 2 years, I had my first KTV session and I literally sang my lungs out.

This July, like the previous, is a mixed of emotions. Great disappointments came once more mid July as I discovered things at work, but some how now I recover faster. One night was all I took to overcome the disappointments. It also threw light into things I thought I should do and stuff I should let go. And also learning that value is one we give ourselves and never to depend on others, as how a friend put it aptly, "Your value is dependent on how others think you are useful to them; it does not say anything about your true actual value." How true.

But on the flip side, who doesn't want to feel valued? The extra appreciation and recognition that "You are good!" does make everyone's day, regardless of how confident or valuable you perceive yourself to have.

I now learn to count my blessings. I tell myself I still have others who value me and are pressing me to contribute. I should not forsake their confidence and insist on another place where my value dwindles by the way. The same applies to relationships, I reckon.

I'm excited to see how things are moving towards the end of the year, as I have many plans. Oh well, plus a tad bit of apprehension for what comes next are stuff I have not been a specialist in, but I know I will cope and ride up the steep learning curve now that I've toughen up.

So till the next post, all the best to me (and you too, my readers).

The Travel Bug Bites Again!

Following a short trip with a friend on business to Taiwan and Hong Kong, I visited Korea for the first time with my family. My mom has been nagging us to bring her to Seoul to pick strawberries for a long time, and as I told myself not to have unnecessary regrets in life, I decided to book with a tour agency for our very first trip there. I shan't bore you with details of the trip, but generally, it was quite a fun one, except for some disappointments, like the short time provided for shopping (we are talking about Seoul here!), and the missing of the final stop at their Supermart because a family was late for an hour resulting in us having to reach the airport directly in the end. The weather in May to Seoul is great, with slight winds, and cool temperature. The people in Korea hardly speaks English, not even the younger generation, which to me, was a little frustrating at first but somehow we got used to using sign languages and my brother's little translation machine on his iPhone. After all, the sign language used in shopping has always been international - with the help of calculator and a little nodding or shaking of the head! I'd love to visit Seoul again, this time a girls' trip to really shop, and not to the Everlands or the Lotte World. And certainty not Five Star Tours please, because their service really suck. To think a simple service like the provision of drinking water throughout the trip was not a standard feature (their reply was they are "looking into it"!). Boycott Five Stars!

Addicted to Chanel

I have always buy something from Chanel for some years, but the frequency increased just over the past 2 months. Somehow, perhaps it's due to stress or just to make me feel happy, I have bought 4 bags, 2 shawls and 1 pair of shoes over this short period. If not for some leftover restrains within me, I'd have bought even more stuff. I've also joined a forum and started wasting time there, but it sort of take some time off to keep me occupied. Work is getting too slow for me. I can be as busy I used to be. It's not fast and busy enough.

No uploading capability from iPad

Eversince I got the original first generation iPad years back, I have used it to serve my many purposes - even attempting to write my blog with it but unfortunately I am still unable to upload photographs.

I wonder when will Blogger consider allowing iPad users to upload photographs? I really hope, real soon.

New Found Love - Sisley Anti-Aging Foundation

I'm glad I chose Sisley foundation over La Mer.

I've been using La Mer for years and like the texture very much. Was just about to get my replenishment when I I stopped over at my usual Sisley counter and was reminded about the new anti-aging foundation and decided to switch.

Upon application, the cream was very cool to the skin. The coverage is minimal though, so it is for people with fairly good skin, unless you don't mind using more concealer.

I didn't need to touch up my face during the day, and make-up stayed fresh all day. Best part was it didn't oxidize!

Try it!

A Crowded Chinese New Year

I know it's last minute, but being a typical Singaporean, I also wanted to get away over the Chinese New Year public holidays too.

So I checked availbility on the following:-

1. Carribean Cruise Suites
2. Marina Bay Sands
3. Pan Pacific
4. Mandarin Oriental Hotel

All full.

The next best option...? Stay at home lor.

It is a disappointment, considering that the Christmas food this year is from a renown hotel like Hilton.

My paid order was first misplaced, and then when they found it and confirmed with again, upon arrival 30 minutes past stipulated time, my order was still delayed because the kitchen did not prepare one of my order.

What was worse was the turkey was actually half-cooked when the party was started!

I've written a mail to the General Manager Allain Mahillon. Shall wait for how things turn out.

Skincare Thoughts

I've been using Sisley for almost 7 years now. In between this period, I was tempted to switch to cheaper versions of skincare, but would always return back to Sisley. I like its efficacy and wouldn't mind spending the money since it really works on my skin.

I've seen how it works on my mom's face - her dark spots were removed and face was brighter and more supple. That added my loyalty points.

Just 2 weeks back, I ran out of my Sisley cleanser. I decided to go to the nearby Pharmacy to buy a cheaper alternative. And guess what, I must say I am also happy with the result of this Japanese Cleanser with Hyuloronic Acid. It is not expensive, and does not dry my sensitive and dehydrated skin.

If, like me, you'd like to cut down on skincare bills, I'd rather spend on expensive and efficient serums and lotions, than facial cleanser. And oh yes, do not, never, scrimp on the make-up remover.

Biggest & Best Christmas Gift, ever

I'd not been so overwhelmed with surprise for a long, long time.

This afternoon, I was told to stay at home to wait for courier to send some documents for me to sign. When the doorbell rang, I opened the door in my pyjamas and a hair band thinking all I needed was just to sign. Imagine my disbelief when the deliveryman told me he was here to deliver a TV. My first response was that it must have been a mistake, until he said the name of the person who ordered it.

I beamed. My heart beat double fast and the warmth of being appreciated seeped through every bit of me.

When the TV was finally up, I text him with gratefulness. His simple action made my day, security, happiness and sense of being appreciated.

Thanks, again.

Chanel Part II

Following the photography on my Chanels, I returned to the boutique to buy a wallet which I pamper very much. This is a gift I buy for myself this Christmas.

If not for my girl friend's encouragement to use it 3 days before Christmas so that I'm happier by 3 days (I felt this was really logical!)

Check it out!

Chanel - My best friend

Before it was 8years ago, I never quite like Chanel because I always associated it with 'old'.

And then one fine day in Taichung where I visited a friend and she brought me to her usual Chanel boutique, it was no turning back for me. I had my first Chanel petite shoulder sling, for SGD1,500.

Since then, I'd been visiting Chanel regularly, checking on nice unique pieces.

I am not a classic 2.55 Chanel fan; especially its double-flap, simply because it is heavy, leather's too thick  for me to dump all my items in it. I always believe all these stuff should serve its owner and not the other way round.

So far, I only have one classic. I like the bowling bag alot due to its space and it doesn't look too big. This time round when I took pictures of my collection, I missed out the bowling bag because it's currently under servicing.

Ho! Ho! Ho!

Christmas is round the corner!

And finally, I have my very first Christmas Tree. The original idea was to have a live one but after serious consideration (the leaves will drop and it will be cumbersome to clear them all the time, PLUS they can't be displayed for longer period of time), I bought a fake tree but it looks as real.

The trick, I realise, is to expand the leaves as much as possible so that the tree looks 3D. Once it's fluffed out, it looks really nice, with the adornments. The lightings and those decorations stuff are really expensive, so I think one good way is to exchange with friends so that the tree looks different every year!

I got my decorations in champagne colour. I like my stuff to be clean, simple and elegant. I must say I'm quite impressed with myself for decking it up all single-handedly and pretty!

The next thing I shall do next is to bring out the nicely wrapped presents. But not yet, as I don't want them to cover with dust. So for now, it's just two lonely empty boxes wrapped as presents under the tree.

Any wreath or socks? Nope, for there is no great Xmas Party, so I reckon just a pretty tree is good enough for me.

Ho! Ho! Ho! Enjoy Christmas!

Fulfilling Activities

I felt so satisfied with myself after packing 62 packs of stationery containing ruler, pencil, eraser, notepad, pencil case, sharpener, a box of Coloured pencils and sticker labels!

They are for the same group of Cambodian kids I visited earlier in the year, as I still had some leftover donations. Initial thought was to buy some vitamin pills and somehow the idea evolved into a goody bag for the Christmas season.

I'd done quite a bit this week, despite feeling down for 2 days over the weekend. I visited Arts Friend and bought some art crafts including a felt cow toy making set (check out the picture here!). It's very easy to make and I hope to make more of it.

I'd also painted a painting meant for the balcony.

At the career front, things haven't been looking up but I guess I need to stay patient.

This Friday

This Friday. Breakfast time once more.

I think I will fry bee hoon with prawns, eggs, slices of pork, and cabbage.

That should serve everyone well.

Yums.

Will share with you on the review.

Thoughts.

I'm beginning to feel like writing is not even an option anymore. I've lost all my passion and interest in everything. I know I'm spiraling downwards and the emotional rollercoaster ride is a torture. I do put in effort to lead a more fulfilling life, but somehow the meaning to the word 'living' is no where to be found.

Bad things happened recently. First was about my job's security - I'd tendered. And then was a very bad fall down the stairs and now with a bad painful tailbone injury. And then a cut on my finger while washing a butter knife. I am lucky I have people around me to care and listen to me. I also try to stay positive and take the negative thoughts out of my mind by doing some gardening (yes, I'm now planting chilli, basil, and also a plant I brought back specially from my mom's ancestral home in Taiwan). I also keep myself busy, planning to paint for some parts of the walls, and decorating the place more following a visit by the Geomancer.

I now see Dr Fones on a monthly basis. Even towards him, I do not share as much I should be, maybe because of the 'face' factor, or the 'deadly' training I've had in varsity days, and lets me pick up signs naturally. Every symptom I tell him sounds unreal, like I've been observing someone else instead of myself, as one would think that a person with depression should not know what him or herself is going through. But for me, I have full insights. I know. Except that there are many occasions which I cannot control them, like crying.

I've been crying much more than before. While I should have a more stable mood now after 2 months of medication, the funny thing is the melancholic feeling persists. Unlike what many would think of a depressed person, I still take care of my skin, dress appropriately and make up each time I'm out of my house. But whenever I'm home, alone, thoughts attacked me and I get all holed up once more.

Christmas is coming. I am trying to fill myself with busy activities like buying a live Christmas Tree, decorating it up (my first time), Christmas shopping and gift wrapping (my favourite). But as much as I list down what to get for who, I realise there is very few people I am buying presents for this year. And that saddens me.

This time last year, I was busy with buying for the department. I was also excited about a trip I longed for with the one I love. But now, this time, I am alone, and without a job. What a 180degree change.

I don't know what the future will hold, for I have given up hoping. There are so many things inside me I wish I can share with someone. But I fear of being an emotional burden. I don't know how should I express myself.

I long for peace. The peace where it is permanent. Where I no longer worry about what happens, what can I do, why evil people exist.

Updates

I'd been missing in action for a long time.

Friends who are concern asked if anything was wrong with me.

The fact is, my depression is still here, hopefully still manageable by medication.

Work has also been extremely disappointing.

Don't want to talk so much about it here now but I'm hoping everything's over really soon. I'm getting very tired, it's like swimming against the strong current, PLUS, I don't even know how to swim!

The only float I have now is my Xanax, Stilnox and Lexapro. To quote Dr Fones, they are (and should be) only temporary. I hope so too.

Spurts of Thoughts

Sorry everyone, I haven't been in the right frame of mind to write well.

I have an mini assessment this Friday, and class ends on Saturday.

I hope I get the change to go Jin Men, to re-establish rapport with Taiwan, and start doing business that I am passionately in, so that I can complete forget about falling love.

I think I'd want to just get IVF and be a mother. And forget about the father. I don't want to wait, worry, fear of being rejected and hurt.

That's what I think I want.

==================================================

I think my depression is coming back, and making myself super tired by cooking and baking doesn't really help. So now I am back with Sleeping Pills which is great. I will need to see the Psychiatrist again for more Stilnox. I must.

Haunted Memories

I'm trying to let go.

I guess the best way is to completely cut all ties so that my emotions do not keep coming back and I have to work hard suppressing it.

I know it is tough, all I need now is the strength to leave.

I love cooking

I have been cooking and baking non-stop for more than 1 month for now.

What keeps the motivation? It was a tiring at first, with a super messy kitchen and lots of dishes to wash. But not now.

I enjoy the preparation process, and cooking is more organised with just sufficient containers to hold the ingredients. Cooking becomes more enjoyable, and my brain starts running non-stop on just the endless possibilities I can come up with from the ingredients I still have in my fridge.

I don't know when this passion will sizzle off, but I realize I do have the talent for basic cooking and I will continue to cook and bake so long as there is people enjoying what I've prepared for them.

.Thoughts.

I'm not feeling too good today.

I don't know why and how, but the sad feelings are returning once more.

I'd been doing well, containing my depression all by myself without any medication for some time. I have even missed Dr Fones' appointment because I do not want to continue depend on medication for my emotional problems.

Deep within me, I have my fear. The unexpected are too aplenty.

That Much Anticipated Meeting

My boss was very concern.

He sat down next to me and said, "Are you able to cope with the meeting with our Group Head this Wednesday?" 

I was happy that my boss cared for me. 

"I should be fine. I know what to expect, and I've been through the worst, so don't worry."

I'd been expecting the worst and am glad at least now it's coming to a closure.

While I do not know what exactly will happen, I will, however, grit through it and survive.

My heart's hardened. Now I understand why some people are unfeeling because they'd been hurt so much that they are numbed.

I made it!

This was a dish adapted from Iggy's Japanese Rice with Truffles & Diced Abalone.

Just few days back some good friends gathered at my place and as I thought the grilled chicken breast was not going to be filling, I decided to add in another side dish of pasta.

Turned out this dish became the star of the night!

So here's the recipe. Enjoy!

Ingredients (Serves 6)
Angel Hair Pasta
Olive Oil
Truffle Oil
Diced Abalone, with some Abalone sauce from can
Sea Salt
1 Glove Garlic - Sliced
Chopped Parsley

Preparation - Pasta
Put a pot of water to boil, with salt & olive oil
Add Angel Hair Pasta into water to cook till al dente
Drain out water
Add Truffle Oil and toss

Preparation - Base
Add 1 tablespoon of olive oil into pan
Add sliced garlic into pan when oil heats up
Stir-fry till golden brown
Add abalone and sauce
Fry till all the water is absorbed and pan is dry

Combine both and garnish with fresh chopped Parsley.
Add black grind pepper & salt to further taste

In Love with Photography

First it was just the normal digital camera.

Then after a lesson with my friend who is very good in photography, I grew to love it too.

Photography is a solo hobby and creating something your eyes see into print is a wonderful feeling. It's like being able to capture memory and be able to share with others what your eyes see. Many good photographers are able to capture emotions when taking portraits, and I haven't been able to do so.

I'm only learning to frame pictures, especially on still life.

I would think portraits are the best pictures taken on earth.

So after owning a digital camera, I got a Panasonic GF-1 for one of the Christmas. 2 years on, I still love it very much, and learning to use it for different effects. Just 2 days back, I bought 2 more lenses that allow me to take further and wider.

See the difference for yourself.

Zoom with normal Lumix Lens that came with the original purchase

Zoom with Lumix G Vario 45-200mm/F4.0-5.6/Mega OIS

A Good Habit For Yours To Keep

I love this habit of mine - preparing what to wear, including accessories and bag - for the next day. There was a time when I even prepare what shoes to wear - then I decided it was too cumbersome and I can cope matching it just before getting out of the door.

It all started when I got all stressed up whenever I had to start looking for that suitable workwear and rushing for work. So I started to prepare what to wear the night before so that I am more prepared the next morning.

Of course, there were mistakes too - especially when I chose separates and they came out real awful on my body the next day when I wear them. Otherwise, most of the mornings are stress-free - all I need is just focus on make-up and hair.

I encourage women to keep this good habit. It minimizes unnecessary stress for the morning rush, and also minimizes that possible mistake of looking mismatched when you step out of the door.

As women, looking good is very very important. It boosts your confidence, and also says alot about you too.

Good 'Ol Bicycle - Too tiresome?

Come try electric ones.

Instead of huffing and puffing while riding a bicycle, it will be so cool to just wheeze around with an electric one while enjoying the same feeling of riding a bicycle!

I'd like to have one for short trips to nearby places, then to always drive out my bulky car everytime.

Check out this very established distributor selling beautiful e-Bikes. I think they do customizations too!

http://www.mkp.com.sg/contact-us.html

Aglio Olio Scallops & Asparagus

Aglio Olio Scallops & Asparagus

Ingredients (Serves 2)

4 Garlic, Sliced

12 Stalks of Asparagus, chopped into half

12 Hokkaido Fresh Scallops

Spaghetti 

Sea Salt, Grounded Black Pepper

Chopped Parsley

3 Spoonful of Olive Oil

Preparation

1. Put pan to heat, add in Olive Oil 

2. Add sliced garlic when Olive Oil is heated, lower heat and stir fry till golden brown

3. Increase heat, add Fresh Scallops in, and pan fry, till outside is lightly brown

4. Lower heat, add Asparagus

5. Add Sea Salt, Grounded Black Pepper and Chopped Parsley to taste

Ready

Spaghetti

1. Bring water to boil, add salt and olive oil 

2. Add Spaghetti, lower heat, and boil for 5 minutes till al dente

3. Drain, add olive oil

Pour cooked Spaghetti into cooked ingredients and mix.

Add more chopped Parsley, sea salt and grounded black pepper for taste and garnishing

Cooking @ Kitchen Lab

And so I was too confident of my own abilities.

Muffins became cupcakes, , although I admit that they were delicious. The imperfect thing (and was intolerable) was that the muffins were too shy to open up, and so many were plain flat when the over timer rang.

Lemon Muffin - Scrapping the skin of the lemon helps enhances
the flavour than just simple Lemon Essence. 

Not all Muffins were friendly...

One good thing that came out was that the Sakura Shrimp Angel Hair was not too bad (and very easy to prepare), but I have yet to perfect the skill of keeping the pasta wet and soft. The ones I'd done are still very dry, in my personal opinion. And no, I didn't fry them this time.

Also tried Cold Soba. And I must say that I like it lots!

My Solo Visit to Iggy's

And so I went today.

I asked for a counter seat so that I could see the activities in the kitchen, and would not look stupid sitting along facing an empty chair in the main dining area.

Pre-Starters. Most of the dishes are fusion.
Do not be mistaken - this is not sushi.

What is underneath is honeydew.
Refreshing!

Eel
Caviar, Yuzu, Silver

Crab
Avocado, Cucumber, Fish Roe

Side Serving
Warm Garlic Bread served with Butter

From the Garden
Organic Seeds, Leaves & Blossoms
(Note there are 33 types of vegetables in all!)

I saw one called "drumb-stick leaf" & the inquisitive me asked

Ayu
Red Cabbage, Sago, Pernod

Pork
This dish was made for me as I don't take beef.
The orange Red Pepper Sauce had to be marinated for 4 days before it could be used.
And the pork was pan-seared before sending it for slow-grilling for 17 hours!
No wonder the fats were soft and melted in my mouth.

Abalone
California Koshihikari Rice, Winter Black Truffles

This was a special alternative for me as I tried
 the rice+truffle+abalone which I didn't like
This is the best pasta I have ever eaten.
Really.

Peach
Thyme, Verjus, Fizzy
I forgot to take a picture on how pretty it was and started digging in! 

Coconut
Passion Fruit, Banana, White Chocolate
The sand-like substance underneath is made of shredded coconuts.
L: Chocolate Gello, R: Banana Ice-cream

Coffee, Coffee

Great Selection of sweets to go with my coffee

Macaroons! I never really like chocolates, but tried 2 anyway. 

The Kitchen