Monday, September 3, 2007

A mix of Guilt and Anger.

Sometimes, I don't know if I should have shown my anger towards her.

I just felt guilt after each burst of anger. Each time I feel guilt, the more uncertain I was about my anger earlier. Was it because of my temper, or because this time, it's a justified case?

The last time it was the same. I told myself, maybe it's my fault. So I decided to slow down, lower my expectation, be clearest possible on my instructions, and try to do everything if I can.

It was ok for awhile.

Then came Friday. Last Friday. I just realised that I was deluding myself, while I thought by saving time for her, she'd use the time to do focus on the more critical matters. But I was wrong.

I can't blame her really. Because I know she's trying her best. It's just that she can't work as efficient as others. I've asked her to ask around, and learn and improve. It's for her own good. I don't know if she'd done it.

Friends said I should be patient with her. It's been almost 2 years of 'patience'. Just how long can I tolerate it?

I've given up. I told her, I'd do my own monitoring going forward.

If possible, I will take over all her work to do. Then perhaps, there will be no problem in the future.

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